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Scientists at the European Organization for Nuclear Research, CERN, have admitted today to ending the world as we know it back in 2012, while performing experiments into the Higgs boson particle, WWN can confirm. Speaking at the research facility...

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'Accidentally shifted to an alternative reality in 2012' admit CERN scientists Waterford Whispers NewsTue, 16 Jan 2018 18:21 UTC © Waterford Whispers News Scientists at the European Organization for Nuclear Research, CERN, have admitted today to ending the world as we know it back in 2012, while performing experiments into the Higgs boson particle, WWN can confirm.Speaking at the research facility in Switzerland today, several key scientists apologised for what they're calling a "terrible accident that has only come to light now".The particle discovery capped decades of theory and was an important triumph for the Large Hadron Collider, however, recent experiments carried out by the LHC team have confirmed that not only did they successfully observe a particle consistent with the Higgs boson, but they inadvertently shifted the entire planet into an alternate reality in doing so, ending the previous model. "Um, we're really, really sorry about this whole mess, but we accidentally ended the world seven years ago," CERN Director General Rolf-Dieter Heuer began, "yeah, we fucked up and we know it's probably a lot to take in, but right now, none of us technically exist."I'm not sure any of you noticed the strange goings-on over the past few years, but we've shifted into a parallel universe," he told a now eerily silent media room, "Trump, the rise of the Kardashians, insane wars that don't make sense, increasing UFO sightings, unpredictable weather patterns; it's all our fault, and we're incredibly sorry for the seven and a half billion people now living here".The nervous looking team of scientists then warned off even more "crazy happenings" in the future, urging the planet's population to remain vigilant in this delicate dimension."Now, we're not saying an invasion from strange alien beings is on the cards, but if you could prepare for that kind of thing, that would be great," Heuer concluded, before hastily leaving the press conference under armed security. See Also: Login — Register to add your comments! Reader Comments Bezel Bub · 2018-01-16T19:51:45Z That would explain a WHOLE lot... win 52 · This is funny? HaHaHa! · 2018-01-16T21:04:50Z DactivateD · 2018-01-17T11:07:18Z Sounds about right. The "strange" weather patterns arent so strange after studying up on weather modification/manipulation programs that have been going on since the 60's. Hahahahahahahahahahaa real funny stuff. Aspera19 · 2018-01-17T15:29:32Z How would they know this? smackman · 2018-01-17T18:03:26Z The Onion is now mainstream news. And, so will this be, soon. marcelozanette · 2018-01-19T16:09:38Z Some interesting questions ...Has anybody but me noticed how strange is a press conference under armed security?Was the armed security there to protect him or to be sure they will follow the script?A nd about - "even more "crazy happenings" in the future" - what is this? Is it a kind of apologies before hit? IncenDiary · 2018-01-20T20:08:37Z Disclaimer Waterford Whispers News is a fabricated satirical newspaper and comedy website published by Waterford Whispers News. Waterford Whispers News uses invented names in all its stories, except in cases when public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. The content of this web-site (graphics, text and other elements) is © Copyright Waterford Whispers News and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the express written consent of the publisher. Waterford Whispers News is not intended for people under 18 years of age. We endeavor not to use any images that are covered under copyright, if an image is used that is covered by copyright then please contact us regarding the image. If you are aware of any copyright infringement or have any other queries or complaints, please contact us as soon as possible so that we can investigate and, where necessary, correct the problem. Please accept our apologies in advance on behalf of any contribution which has offended. ReRan · 2021-05-11T13:24:55Z And yet, here we are in 2021 experiencing an "alternative reality" of epic proportions!!! Yes, "crazy happenings in the future" indeed. Night · 2022-05-14T17:10:55Z Came across it just now. How interesting looking back at all that's been happening. On a smaller scale I personally feel tired of constantly dismissing weird glitches and incongruities and shrugging it of as mere coincidence. Latest News Sinkhole causes delays, cancellations at New York City's LaGuardia Airport What they really think: CEO scrambles into damage control after "lower-value HUMAN capital" comment triggers outrage South Africa's farming crisis may trigger food shortages across the continent Donald Trump is considering reversing course in front of Xi Jinping Supreme Court rules that freight brokers can be held accountable for negligence in commercial vehicle crashes ...